yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
