Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
