I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
