Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just had sex on a roof
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
