i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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