I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
