Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
