Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
