Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
