Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
