the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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