Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
