What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
