you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
