So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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