I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
