new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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