the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
