the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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