He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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