You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
