Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
