We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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