I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
