it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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