Pants 0. Shit 1.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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