You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
