At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
