I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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