I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
