i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
