my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
