Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
