wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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