Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
