dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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