I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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