Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
