the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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