Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
