Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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