Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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