just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
