ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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