i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
