Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
