I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's Friday. Sex?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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