The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
