In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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