My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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