Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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