btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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