I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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