Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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